thedarkperidot:

You are all being blessed with a super blep

pissvortex:

infomercial man: call now and we’ll DOUBLE our offer

6 year old me who has never seen an infomercial before:

henderygf:

anyways good night i’m gonna go indulge in my unrealistic romantic fantasies until i fall asleep

ziraseal:

smuganimebitch:

so someone just said they’re “really interested in history” how careful do you have to be?

 “i just think history is interesting in general! i’m not interested in any specific part of it”: this person is most likely safe. never drop your guard though

“i’m interested in this specific subject or time period in history. (ex. ancient egypt,  the golden age of piracy, the history of the printing press”: still probably safe. be on the lookout for certain risky historical subjects. you should know them you see them 

“i’m really into WW2 history”: this is the caution zone, there’s plenty of valid reasons to be into WW2, but if they start talking about how Operation Sealion totally could have succeeded, it’s time to abort

 “i’m specifically into roman history, the crusades, prussian military history, and WW2”: danger! do NOT talk about history with this person. in fact, do not talk to this person at all. you will regret it, you do not want to know what they think of the treaty of versailles or why germany lost the first world war

“I was really into ancient greek mythology in middle school”: this person is gay

homoidiotic:

me at support group: idk guys im feeling so ben affleck smoking jpeg over it all

pagetbrewstar:

me: *watches criminal minds for 9 hours*
anything: *makes a noise*
me: I’m looking for a white male between the ages of 25-45 probably a loner probably most definitely hates women probably drives a red late model dodge truck probably lives alone his moms name is Helen and his favorite color skittles are the red ones

eclogues:

if we all marry and divorce jeff bezo we can singlehandedly distribute all of his wealth